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Inspiration: Confidence & How to Get More

I realize I don't post too many personal experiences, stories, or photos. I am quite protective of my personal life. 

But today I choose to let you in on a little more intimate journey of my life. 

I want to talk to you about confidence, aura, and attraction. 

My boss at work (I have a part-time job aside from health coaching and photography) said the most amazing thing to me today, that I still can't stop replaying in my mind because it makes me feel proud of what I've accomplished, of the journey I've undertaken and still have yet to explore. 

She said, "Daniela, don't you look beautiful today! There's something, like an aura about you! Good for you!" 

Now, the reason why this meant so much to me is because I've been on a self-love journey recently. I've been on this journey for a very long time, but my motivation has gone on and off, so it's never progressed to the level of my desire.

But this time around, something clicked. 

I've been thinking about things I want to happen to me in the future. I've been watching inspirational talks by my favorite mentors. I've had deep chats with my sister about why certain things have still not happened for me. It's all led me to awaken to the thought that I must become what I want to attract in my life

Of course, as a health coach, I know a lot about the self. My mission has been to inspire women to feel confident and empowered in their own energy and presence. I offer many tools and resources to helping them develop that state of being. But to be completely honest, I haven't been using my own advice. 

I can't say what exactly changed. I think I just got tired of circling around my truth, but never facing it. I got tired of not feeling enough. I got tired of shying away from living an amazingly abundant life that I knew existed for me.

I told my sister when we had one of our deep chats that I feel like all the answers are literally right in front of me, but I somehow can't see them, blinded by fear and constant state of worry and distrust. 

There are two videos by Preston Smiles on YouTube about 5 ways to love yourself and 5 ways to attract The One. I watched them.

It's funny how we say opposites attract, when in fact, like attracts like. To find what we seek, we must become that which we are seeking. 

For example, you want the perfect guy or girl. You have a list of traits you want them to have: funny, charming, intelligent, caring, passionate, ambitious, adventurous, etc.

You must become what you want to attract.

If you want someone who's vulnerable and honest, first, look into your own life, look at yourself. Are you vulnerable? Are you honest? Are there people in your life who are honest? Vulnerable?

What you're seeking is seeking you. You must become the things you're looking to attract. You must find that vulnerability, honesty you wish for, but you must find them within yourself first.  

Preston's videos explain more about this concept, how and why it works, so if you want to watch them, here are the links: 





I've discovered in my own journey that these ideas are true. Once I made it my goal to become more self-confident, I really began daily practices of training my mind and body to think and act as if I was already confident. 

Struggling with body image and self-identity, I must say that I feel the most confident I've felt in my life. And I'm still not 100% completely where I want to be, but the progress I've made makes me feel amazing!

Of course, I have these days and moments that I don't like the way my body looks or I highly criticize the way I've handled a situation, but I'm more aware of my thoughts and behaviors during those times, which helps me take what I need and move on. 

I've been going through changes physically and mentally that have manifested in some way in my daily life, and people who know me have been noticing. 

I want to share some of the things I've been doing to feel more confident, which in turn has helped me attract more of the things I've been wanting in my life. 

1. Breathing. 

I believe so much in the power of deep breathing. I know the effects it has on my body. I am sure that deep brething can ease mental and physical pain.

There was a period of two years where I did deep brething exercises twice a day, every day. Then I stopped. Like I said earlier, my motivation had been going on and off. I think the biggest reason for that was my unclearity of what it was that I really wanted and valued. Once I found what my priorities were, it was easier to jump into such a routine and actually keep it up.

Let's face it, we have busy lifestyles and adding one more thing to the list just makes it so much harder. But that all changes when you get clear on the why and what. What do you want? Why is it important to you? 

Before going to bed at night and every morning as I wake up, the first thing I do is breathe. I've heard of the Iceman Method before, but never really got into it enough to try it out. Again, this time around something clicked. I watched some videos of Wim Hof (who is the Iceman) explaining his method, about the physiology of the body, how deep breating affects the body on cellular level, and was convinced I needed to try it. 

I did. And I've been doing it since. I've found that I feel a little bit more leveled in stressful situations, which has helped me build that self-confidence because now, I'm beginning to trust myself a bit more in situaltions where things are out of my control. Believe me, there's a long way to go, but I'm definitely happier with the small progress I've been making. 

We must celebrate our little successes along the way to really appreciate the journey. 

I'd definitely give Wim Hof a search online if you are interested in learning about the benefits of deep breathing. It's a subject worth exploring. 



2. Visualizing.

When I thought about what I wanted to attract in my life, that was still not showing up for me, I realized I wanted to be connected to confident, present people with common interests and values. The experiences I wanted to have, that still were not showing up for me, were also experiences that confident people would experience. So that's what I needed to become - confident, present. 

I'd like to tell you about what confidence means to me. Confidence is self-trust, clarity of one's values and beliefs, trust in one's actions and decisions. Confidence is being open-minded to change and situations out of one's control in a patient and poised manner. Confidence is owning any space you're in, any group of people you're with, because you know yourself, you know who you are. 

So, to rewire my subconscious, I started to visualize myself being in those situations and communicating with those people. I visualize myself walking, talking, acting, laughing like a confident person. 

Vizualizing can seem hard (almost as hard as meditating is to some), but it really isn't, when you find what works for you.

I've found my own way of visualizing. I've followed "the experts" ways of vizualizing - didn't work for me. The music they used, the guided visualizations, the affermations, etc. - didn't work for me. I learned a lot about the process, the benefits, the methods of visualization, but things didn't change for me until I came up with my own system, personalized to me. I knew what I didn't like, so I just did the opposite. Whenever I would do a guided visualization, I'd keep repeating mentally "I don't like this. This is not true to me. How do I visualize this when I don't want this but that? I hate this music." So, you can see how much visualization I was able to do with such thoughts. So, I took these thoughts and used them to create my own method.


First, I can't stand 20 minute visualizations. Who has that amount of time? Maybe some people do. Okay, even I do, but I get impatient and bored. I'd prefer a 5-10 minute session much more. 

Second, I don't like most music used in guided meditations. I know some people even prefer no music, but I need music, just not that kind of music. There's an instrumental Venetian music playlist I absolutely love. I use that. It just gets me right where I want to go. I don't need to force anyting. 

Third, a visualization must be personal. I can't stand those guided meditations where they tell me to imagine something that doesn't have relevance to me and my life. And then, when I finally get to that place they're trying to take me, they move on and I get frustrated because I feel rushed.
Basically, when I go to a place in my mind that I really like, I want to stay there longer, I want to feel those emotions deeper. When I'm visualizing, I go to places I've been or really like to visit, I spend time with people I love and people I'd like to meet someday, and I stay there for as long as it feels good. No rush.


And you know what the funny thing is? It ends up really being a 20 minute visuzation that feels like 5 minutes just because I really was present, I really did enjoy it. 

There's other things I've found that work for me, like laying down on my back on my bed, not sitting on a meditation pillow. I like doing them at night when it's dark, right before I go to sleep, not in the morning - I just get more relaxed when it's dark in the room. And the list goes on and on.

This blog post is already like a book long, so I'm going to move on, but hopefully you get the idea. 

3. Act as if

As hard as it is to act as confident as I wanted to be, I had to make little steps to get my mind and body used to the feeling of going out into the world with head held high.

I think the taking action part is the most difficult because you're abviously getting outside of your comfort zone, which can trigger resistance, worry, fear, but once you make that very first step, you realize it's not as bad as you imagined. 


And taking action sort of comes naturally. Once I decided in my mind that it was time to step into my light, no more shying away from the spotlight, reveal more of myself to the world, things naturally started to come to me.

For example, my sister is a fashion blogger. I've been taking all of her photos for the past 2 and a half years. That's how I got into photography. A few months ago, when my transformation process began, I had this desire to be the model, to be in front of the camera. 

Not many people know this, but I used to do modeling. My sister and I used to take classes and I even had a professional photoshoot once! That was in 2011-2012. And I loved it! I loved the way I felt in front of the camera. I owned it. I owned the moment. I felt unstoppable. A lot of things had changed since then...

Of course, I kept this desire of mine secret because I was afraid and embarrassed. Everyone knew I was the photographer. It would be too weird to say, "Hey guys, how about I stand in front of the camera today?" What made it even more embarrassing? I've been saying to everyone that I love being behind the camera, which I do, but it got to the point where I used it as an excuse to hide from myself.

What made me believe it was okay for me to express my desire aloud was the support of my sister. She's been on this journey with me, encouraging me to take more selfies, to dress a little more fashionably, to say nice things to myself in the mirror. When she can sense that I'm having one of my "I don't feel confident in my body" moments, she would make me a compliment. 


I do realize that I'm lucky to have such an amazing person to support me, because not many people do, but you have to do what you need to do to make your dreams come true. This is your life. You need to live it for you.

My sister and I have talked about how we believe things about each other that we don't believe for ourselves. And it doesn't matter how many times someone tells you they believe in you, that you are this and that, if you don't believe it yourself, if you don't believe you are desrving of love, abundance, happiness, nothing and no one can believe it for you.

So, if you can't find support around you, find other ways to start moving toward your goal, and the people and experiences will start showing up. 


Back to my story.  As a fashion blogger, my sister has been making connections with local boutiques, stylists, and photographers. I've been going to events with her as her photographer.

We met Gerand, a Las Vegas photographer, at a Driven Boutique event, who decided that he needed to do a sister photoshoot. In my mind I resisted; in 5 seconds I came up with thousands of reasons why I couldn't do it. At the same time I was jumping up and down with joy like a 7 year-old, but playing it super cool on the outside. My wish was about to be granted. What were the chances!

We did the photoshoot that week and it was something I'll remember forever! I just felt how the energy around me and inside me was shifting, how the universe was aligning with my dreams and goals. It was incredible!


These are some of the photos we took.

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I'll leave links to all these people I mentioned - you have to check them out!


Radi, my sister:
www.fashionradi.com
@fashionradi


Gerand, photographer: 
@gerand

Driven Boutique:
@drivenboutique


I hope you're still reading this! I know it's long - that's why I'm going to start wrapping up! There's so much more I want to talk about, but I don't want this to become the longest freaking blog post in the world!

One event happened in my life about 10 months ago that I know for a fact was the very beginning of my self-confidence journey.

I started work at a beauty and make up store. I learned about make up, I was surrounded by women who embraced art and creativity, I was in a setting that promoted confidence through inner and outer beauty. I learned how to do my make up, how to bring out my confidence through applying make up that enhanced my features. And I absolutely loved it! I am so grateful!

You would never have seen me with lipstick or eye shadow, or nice eye brows before! But it was required of me to have a full face of make up during working hours, and let me tell you, it has completely changed the way I look at make up. It's truly one of the simplest ways to grow your confidence. When you practice it and do it in a way that enhances your natural beauty, it truly becomes a wonderful tool for building confidence.

I'm quickly becoming obsessed with make up. I love spending time getting ready! I love the way it makes me fee! And I'm definitely taking more selfies now! :D Which is a pretty big thing for me...just ask my sis!

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O my gosh, I can go on and on and on...But I really have to wrap it up. 

The last thing I want to say is that most of it is really an inside work - work with the mind. It's a commitment. If your mind doesn't believe it, you won't achieve it. You have to start with the mind, breaking down old beliefs and building new ones. Just like you're working out to keep your body physically healthy, you have to work out the mind to build new thoughts and ideas that will take you closer to your dreams. 

Everything is possible. 

I hope that you found this post helpful. I will do more posts of my life because I just feel like I want to talk about more things now. Please check out all the links mentioned - there's great content waiting for you!

And as always, feel free to comment below - anything you have to say, any advice you have for others - let's make this a supportive and positive community! 


Thank you for reading this far! 
I'll see you soon with another post!

BTW.. this post is now 2,921 words long! Okay, now I really have to go! Bye!

Daniela





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