I was asked a very interesting question in a group setting.
"If you could put anything on your car license plate, any word that described who you are, what would you put?"
Immediately, a stream of thoughts began to flood my mind. I did panic a little bit. What would I say when it was my turn to speak?
First of all, I get very nervous speaking in front of groups of people. I think that made my heart beat faster and my thoughts more scattered than usual.
And then there was something else.
If you've read the bio on my website, I talk a little bit about my "struggle" of finding my purpose. It's more of an effort than a struggle, but none the less, I've experienced high pressure about what I should be doing with my life, which ultimately I connect to my wish of knowing myself.
I remember in school and all through my childhood, I would get anxious whenever someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. Because I didn't have a clear answer.
This question has continued to haunt me through my adulthood, but sounding slightly different. What is your passion? What do you do? Tell me about yourself.
I've never had a clear vision of what I wanted to do or be when I grew up, especially as a child. I've always been envious of friends and strangers who seemed to have it all figured out - "I want to be a pediatrician. I want to be a teacher. I'm going to start my own business."
now realize that I've been subconsciously creating this "struggle" for myself all this time. I've subconsciously chosen to put all this pressure on myself. It just seemed like life would be so much easier knowing. I wanted to know.
Now, there's a very important detail to this story.
I'm naturally interested, naturally good at many things. I tend to be self-taught in many areas because learning and figuring things out kind of brings me satisfaction. haha
I don't do things half way. I like details. I can do almost anything as professional and as perfect as a person who's had experience, practice, or education in the same area.
I experience difficulty finding one thing to focus on. I'm guilty of doing many things at once. As a creative person, I am inspired by everything. And I can spend an obscene amount of time working on perfecting something that in reality takes half the time and effort.
I'm in love with art - painting, drawing, sketching, editing, writing. I'm in love with photography - fashion, nature, food, and lifestyle photography. I'm in love with designing - graphic and interior design and decorating. I'm in love with fitness, sports, wellness, and nature. I'm interested in spirituality and self-improvement.
...and much more.
I've never been able to choose one thing. I always wanted to find a "job" that allowed me to combine and use as many of my skills and interests as possible. I'm lucky that health coaching, photography, designing, writing have so much in common.
But is that who I am? Is what you do really who you are?
I am everything that inspires me. I am everything that makes me happy. I am everything that makes me feel alive and motivated.
As a result of the pressure I was feeling about not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, I started reading many books on the subject of passion and purpose. What is my purpose? How do I find it?
I remember I'd spent many nights crying and praying for clear direction, a sign, answers. I remember feeling betrayed by my intuition - it showed me something new and different every day when all I wanted was to feel secure and guided. When you're changing direction a million times a day, it's hard to feel safe.
After a while I realized the more I conflicted my natural state of creativity and inspiration, the more confused and vulnerable I felt. This battle I was fighting was solely my doing. I started it...in my mind.
It truly is a mind game. My heart was telling me things that my mind contradicted because I was letting myself be influenced by social norms and opinions. I started to believe something was seriously wrong with me. I was obsessed by the idea of finding my passion and purpose because I thought it would free me from inner conflict, doubt, and insecurity.
The light came on when I "accidentally" saw a short video on Instagram. I can't remember the girl's account name, but I remember what she talked about. In a matter of seconds she described everything I was feeling at the time - the pressure of finding your passion, the pressure of living up to social standards, answering the question "what do you do?" She said she used to panic and freeze whenever someone asked her that until she realized she didn't have to fit into a box. So, simply, one day, when she was asked that very same question, she said, "What do you mean, what do I do? I do it all."
You can't imagine my relief.
I do it all.
I do everything that makes me feel alive! I am so many shades of vibrancy and creativity, intelligence and curiosity, that it's impossible to squeeze into a tiny square box.
My purpose is to be of service to others.
Generate love and positive emotions, believe in your dreams and wake up with the thought that today will be amazing! Be compassionate, forgiving, and smile more!
That's your purpose.
Reveal your best self to the world and your purpose will find you. Trust in your talents. Trust in yourself. Trust in the Universe.
Watch this: https://www.instagram.com/p/BaIG-p4H_uJ/?taken-by=mastinkipp
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